A Blissful Life 10/15/24: How To Increase Your Happiness

I became inspired for this week’s column listening to Rich Roll discuss “The How of Happiness” on his podcast in an interview with Dr. Sonja Lyubomirsky (happiness researcher, bestselling author, and Distinguished Professor of Psychology at UC Riverside).

The podcast begins with Rich and Dr. Sonja reflecting on a conference they attended together with the Dalai Lama. They quote the Dalai Lama saying, “Love is not a feeling. Love is a decision.” Their colleague who was running the conference went on to say that, “happiness is love, and love is a decision.”

Dr. Sonja defines happiness as having two components: (1) the experience of positive emotions (such as joy, curiosity, pride, serenity, calm, enthusiasm, etc.), and (2) having a sense of satisfaction with your life and the direction it is heading.

Listening to them speak, I connected what they were saying to part of my work where I teach people how to generate and experience specific desired emotions in their bodies at any given moment in time. If experiencing positive emotions is a component of increased happiness, then, through the practice I teach, we can decide to call in more positive emotions, thereby increasing our happiness.

When asked about what drives happiness, Dr. Sonja says that from their research there are hundreds of things you can do to be happy and what works for you really depends on your personality. That being said, Dr. Sonja’s team focuses on three things: (1) expressing gratitude; (2) performing acts of kindness; (3) being more social. Ultimately, she concludes that what almost all happiness interventions have in common is that they work by making people feel more connected.

Pioneering happiness research for almost three decades, Dr. Sonja has come to the conclusion that social connection (which she is now starting to call love) is the key to happiness.

One study she used to help prove the third driver of happiness (being more social) was asking participants to make an effort to act more energetic, social, talkative, and assertive than they usually act for one week. Then, they asked the same participants to act more quiet and deliberate for the next week. During the more extroverted week, all people (including the inherent introverts) expressed feeling so much happier, whereas during the more introverted week, all people felt a little less happy than normal.

In another study done by Dr. Sonja and her team used to prove the second driver of happiness (kindness), they asked participants to perform three acts of kindness for another person one day a week for a period of time. Then, they asked participants to perform three acts of kindness for themselves one day a week for a period of time. They found that, while it may feel good in the moment to do acts of kindness for yourself, the good feeling that comes from doing an act of kindness for someone else lasts longer. Additionally, they drew the blood of participants before and after performing the acts of kindness, and found that people asked to do acts of kindness for others showed changes in their RNA gene expression associated with a healthier immune profile (less inflammation).

According to Dr. Sonja, anything you can do to be more connected (to people, pets, God) can help to increase your happiness. Social connection can look different for different people, depending on your personality. For one person, social connection that leads to happiness can look like spending time with their romantic partner, while for another it could be chatting with a stranger on an airplane. So, start connecting– with people, animals, nature, the divine– and feel your happiness grow!

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